I’ve been fairly open about my lifestyle, but sometimes it’s good to revist and clarify a few things. I am a BDSM fetish Mistress, in that I’m in the BDSM lifestyle, I play with folks fetish desires a lot, and I’m the one in charge. Most of my relationships are fairly egalitarian, and we make major decisions together as fairly as possible, but when it comes to sexual activity I strongly prefer to take on the dominant role. I attend BDSM play parties, and have experimented with a lot of different things in the BDSM world. And I’m a sex educator, so a partner with a weird fetish is not going to throw me off my game or make me stumble at all.

BDSM Fetish Mistress

I got started in the world of BDSM back in University, because a friend of mine wanted to go to an event and didn’t want to go alone. She asked me to go with her, for safety (which, to be clear, is a really good idea!), and then sent me a BDSM checklist so I’d have an idea about the sorts of things I might see. Let’s just say that was illuminating to a 20-something former Baptist from a very repressed environment. The munch was hilarious, with a supposed ‘dom’ testing us to see “what we were”, and discovering that if you pull my hair in an attempt to make me submit I will try to pull my own hair out in order to make Direct eye contact and ask if that’s supposed to do anything other than piss me off. To his credit, he did let go really fast. At the party later that month, I was hooked. Hook, line, sinker, sold and never going back. I resolved that I was going to learn absolutely everything about everything I saw.

Dominant Mistress

As time has gone onward, marching ever forward, I’ve gotten more and more comfortable admitting that, yes, actually, I am a bitch. I’m a dominant woman, and I don’t really see any reason at all to ever apologize for myself. I don’t like being told what to do by anyone, ever. I enjoy feeling in charge, even in the bedroom, and I like exercising my skills and creativity in order to amuse myself and make my partners melt down in the bed. I’m not saying it’s impossible for me to date a more dominant leaning man, for example, just that he better be ok with it when I inevitably take control in the bedroom. This BDSM fetish Mistress is not the sort to kneel for anyone!

Education Is Sexy

I happen to think that a key building block for my personal sense of self is that education is, in fact, sexy. Intelligence is hot! Show me your diplomas, or talk to me for a couple hours about whatever you’ve been researching as a lay person, and you’ll have my full attention. Info-dump on me, sweetie, I love it! Of course, it helps immensely if you also think that education is sexy and that being ad-hoc lectured about random topics is fun. I didn’t start a sex education podcast that’s been running for 9 years straight because I’m disinclined to talk, at length, about things I think are interesting. (You should listen to Whore School, btw, and check out the brand new blog, too.)

Ready To Have Fun?

Not all relationships have to be deep, intense, long term things. You don’t have to leave your wife for me (I’m poly, so that’s just silly. Bring her along!) You don’t have to have any expectation that things between you and I will evolve into anything romantic or that you’ll need to let me know if you got a promotion at work. You can just give me a call, talk to me for a while about your fetishes and desires, have a lot of fun, and then go back to your regular life at the end. Just because our relationship is minutes snuck in around the rest of your life doesn’t mean it’s not real, and doesn’t mean it can’t be a lot of fun. Let’s have fun! And if you wind up being like some of my fellas, and call me every day for years, that’s fun too. Embrace the fun of some deep BDSM trust games with me.

Your BDSM Fetish Mistress, Harper