Hi there, fans of Ms Harper’s very entertaining and edifying blog. This is Ms Claire from SassyClassyPhoneSex.com, and today I’ve swapped blogs with your regularly scheduled mistress. Head over to my blog to check out her latest erotic tale, The Tale of the Slutty Sissy: Shared by Mistress.
Pillow Humping Synchronicity
I noticed that in the past week, we both blogged about pillow pervs. Ms Harper focused on sissy pillow humpers, while I wrote about non-sissy pillow humpers. Now any man who does this, whether or not he’s wearing flouncy lace, is going to find himself the object of ridicule if he’s brave enough to let any woman watch. But I have to agree, the flouncy lace and a chastity cage definitely add fuel to the humping humiliation fire!
Of course, there’s plenty of other things to hump in the bedroom, and my next favorite choice for voyeuristic amusement begs the following question —
Are you Humping a Queen or a King?
Size matters in the bedroom, and in this case it’s your choice of mattress size. You see, we’re going to name your sex partner, and for that we need to know what its gender related size. Got a queen-size Beautyrest? You’ll be calling her your Beauty Queen. Got a king-size Simmons? Well I’m thinking….maybe King Gene or, in a wayyyy less sexy vein, King Richard (think about it for a moment, you’ll get the silliness in a sec). Now that you get the gist, be prepared with a fun name for your new inanimate sex partner!
Mattress Humping Humiliation
This is a little different than the pillow situation, since it incorporates a much firmer point of friction. And a plastic baggie smeared inside with Vaseline, lotion, or your favorite lube. Okay then, so take said plastic lubed baggie and stick it open end facing out between your mattress and box spring. Then you lift the mattress a bit to get your dick into the baggie, lower the mattress to the desired level of ‘squeeze’, and start moving those hips! (Now don’t you wish you hadn’t gone for that thick, heavy Tempurpedic!)
Now if your bed is particularly low or high, this will be easier to pull off (hehe!). But if you’re somewhere in between, then you get the added bonus of being awkwardly semi-crouched while you’re thrusting away! And all of this while making sure your mattress doesn’t completely crush your cock. It’s a good thing you’ll have one or both of us on the phone or watching you on Skype to oh-so-generously supply the erotic humiliation you need to get you through this hilarious escapade!
Mattress Tease…and Denial?
I’m a fan of leaving your orgasm up to a bit of chance. With mattress humping, you face the challenges of pressure, balance, weird friction and figuring out how the hell to keep the baggie working for your cock. That’s a lot of coordination when you’re so fucking horny that you’ll do anything (clearly this is at the funnier end of the ‘anything’ spectrum!) to get your mistress’s permission to cum.
So even if you’re lucky enough to get permission, you might ultimately be unsuccessful in pleasing His/her Majesty the Mattress. In which case, this outrageous rendezvous with your bedroom furniture will have become a very frustrating game of tease and denial.
If you’ve enjoyed Mistress Claire’s tease and denial ideas about mattress humping, you should give her a call! Or both of us, for maximum fun and games.
Tune in to Whore School on Sundays in May to win prizes by answering trivia questions. You must be in the chat for the show, and you have to get the trivia question right! Sunday the 17th Whore School will have a very special guest, and you’ll really want to find time to listen!
Thank you so much for taking over the blog today, Ms Claire! Anytime you want to drop by with a story or idea for an erotic encounter, feel free! The blog’s always open.
this is on my to-do list! i can totally see myself humping a mattress for You!
I can see it too! Especially when you turn on your cam…