I would personally never be in anything other than a female led relationship.
Ok, let’s back up a bit, and talk about what a female led relationship is. A FLR is a relationship that takes the conventional script for how a heterosexual couple is supposed to make decisions and flips it on its head. Usually, in a het relationship, the male gets the determining vote about where they’re going to live, who they socialize with, and even what the couple does for leisure. Picture the Cleavers, and how June always went along with what her husband wanted. Now, flip that around and imagine that Ward followed June’s lead. That’s a female led relationship.
In a traditional sort of heterosexual relationship, there are a lot of assumptions about roles and duties.
As you know, I’m a consent junkie. I’m also all about having those conversations that lead to good consent. So assumptions are anathema to me! The assumptions about roles and duties in relationships are the death knell for me, and are exactly why I would choose a FLR over a traditional relationship in a flat heartbeat. Anytime you make assumptions about your partner, you’re skipping over a vital step in establishing consent.
The ‘Consent of the Governed’ is a phrase straight out of civics courses and even our own founding documents for government.
The consent of the governed is a thing that can always be withheld, and when it is removed those who have been governed can rise up in revolt and institute a new system. In a traditional relationship, that very consent on the part of the woman to the assumptions of the man about her role and duties to him can be on shaky ground. Without good consent to be governed, eventually, small problems become large, and intolerable, and the entire relationship falters and fails. It’s riot and rebellion on a home scale. Any relationship that is lacking in trust, communication, and consent is doomed to fail.
Because I’m a relatively self aware person who values consent above all else, a female led relationship just makes sense to me.
While I would never abridge the consent of my partner in any relationship, I likewise would never allow my own consent to be assumed or broken. So many men are conditioned to unconsciously assume things about what a relationship is supposed to be like that allowing my male partners to take the reins would rather result in my consent being trampled over. Therefore, I make the rules, I’m the dominant woman here, and I set the boundaries, and one of those rules is “we will sit down face to face in a neutral location each week to discuss our relationship and any issues in it.” Because the consent of the governed, even when the governed is a weak male beta bitch, is something that I treasure and will seek out.
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Hi Harper, I enjoy a female led relationship as well as a female over two guys. I, however, have another viewpoint. I feel women should hold more of a dictatorship over men verses a democracy. It’s just another way to look at things. I definitely respect your democracy but I think men have had their chance, and now in order for there to be balance, men should learn to just love and obey the women they are with. My two pennies…
I kinda like the balance of powers thing, where the branches get to keep one another in ‘check’, so to speak. Which would be why the Female is in charge of the details and has a veto vote on everything. If I say ‘nope’, it’s a solid gold no, but if he says ‘no’, we’re gonna discuss this because I’m in charge and I really do know best. 😛
On one hand, I suppose My relationship is one of equals, a King and Queen ruling erotically over their subjects, since Adam and I share a stable of submissives. On the other, there’s only space for one man to be equals with Me, and that space is definitely taken. I suppose Adam tends to defer to Me a lot, but I think that’s because he believes (correctly, in my opinion) that “the Women are smarter”. *giggle*
Great post, as always!
Adam is a smart man! Women do, often, know best. That’s why we should be in charge. 😉 We’re just calmer, more rational, and generally nicer, too. lol
Indeed!
How can I get into female lead relationship? I met 2 girls through tennis and we’ve become great friends for 5 years I would love nothing more to have this happen. How can I do this? They don’t know of my dressing in women’s clothes as I’m afraid they would dump me. I think this would be good for me to have both of them take charge of me. I want to be their cream puff but don’t know how to go about this.
You speak a lot of sense, but then you are a superior female Ms. Harper!
N.B. – I have to inform you that this is one of a series of Mistress blog comments I’m having to make, in order to earn a release.
Even with your ulterior motive in commenting, I’m still glad you dropped by. Here’s hoping your orgasm is world shatteringly awesome. 😉
Although there was an ulterior motive for me to make blog comments Ms. Harper, who’s blogs and which blogs I commented on, and how I commented, were up to me. And I do believe in what you said, that trust, communication, and consent are vitally important in any relationship. Mine, with Miss Violet *squirm* has lasted over 5 years now.
And yes, I did have a thoroughly wonderful release, thank you!