In my perfect ideal world, I’d have a lover who would be hard when ever I want, with clever, skilled fingers right there, that would stay hard until I was finished, and got the job done the first time with no complaining or disappointment for me. Sadly, the flesh may be willing but it’s also weak, so I have learned to turn to technology to get things taken care of. That’s why I love all the various types of BDSM play furniture: from sex pillows to slings to hard restraint systems and cages, the toys we’ve created for perverted sex (and perfectly normal vanilla sex too, I don’t discriminate) are great. And thus, I want to invite you to hump a pillow for me. And for Science!

Hump A Pillow

Sex pillows are great! I am a huge fan of using specialty furniture and accessories to make your sexy fun even more fun! For folks with mobility issues, disability (both long and short term), and just plain ol’ kinky perverts that like a little BDSM fun, the wide world of sex pillows beckons. Usually made of very firm foam and covered in a water resistant material, sex pillows were made for humping. Wedges, rolls, and sex slings and swings all add to the ease of fucking in various positions that may be uncomfortable to impossible to get into or hold on your own. Ever had your hip complain mid-fuck? Or had to move because your legs gave out, or cramped at an unfortunate time? Sex pillows can help! If you arrange your bed so that you don’t have to use your muscles to hold your legs like that, you can fuck for longer.

Sybian

If you listened to Whore School on December 7, 2025, you know that I completely spaced on the brand name for one of my absolute favorite sex toys ever! The Sybian, for those who are unaware, is an amazing machine designed for orgasms. A rounded, cushioned base holds the motor and controls, and has an attachment system that allows for different configurations of penetrative accessories. The penetration ranges from nearly flat with just some fun bumps to grind on, to a ‘jumbo’ size dildo. The Sybian was created with direct input from hundreds of women, and it shows. There are companies making similar products, but honestly, nothing that duplicates what the Sybian can do.

Pillow Fucker

Just because most sex pillows that hold vibrators are marketed towards people with a vagina doesn’t mean you can’t use one for anal fun. In fact, a lot of the sex pillows out there mention that if you’re a fan of Double Penetration, using your new sex pillow with a lover can be a whole lot of fun. People on the receiving end of penetration of all gender expressions will love sitting down and getting to hump a pillow! Here’s my relatively low cost and low effort introduction to being a pillow fucker. You’ll need a pillow, and sure, you can use a bed pillow but put a water resistant cover on it, and a vibrating anal plug (or vibrating insertable egg if you have a vagina.)

How To Hump A Pillow The Harper ™ Way

I want you to fold your pillow in half, and place it between your knees. With your vibrating plug or egg inserted, and on, grind yourself down onto the pillow, and use your hips to rotate and gyrate until you reach the edge of orgasm. Do not cum yet! Feel free to play with your nipples, pull your hair, and fantasize freely. When you’re ready, give me a call so I can listen to you cum for me. Don’t keep the fun sexy noises all to yourself!

Extra Bonus Pillow Humping

If you use a remote control toy (Edge 2 by Lovense), especially one of the ones that can be controlled by app at long distances, I can make certain that you have a fabulous time humping a pillow for me. Bonus points if you go the extra mile and use thigh restraints hooked together under the pillow so you can’t get away! If you have a Sybian and want to put it through its paces with me, I’d love that!!! Let me tell you where to set the rotation and vibration, and then mount up and ride for a while. Hump a pillow for me, and have a lot of fun doing it!

Your Pillow Humping Mistress, Harper