As you know, I’m taking a break from my weekly live podcast Whore School for the month of August, but that doesn’t mean I’m not endlessly interested in educating everyone on sexual topics! The last show of July was on Distance Domination, in fact, which leads us nicely into the theme of the month here in the Enchantrix Empire. So let’s talk about exactly how long distance kink actually works, and what you can reasonably expect to get from it. Hint: I can’t reach through the phone and spank you, no matter how hard I want to smack some telemarketers! Keep reading to find out how distance domination works, and why you might want to explore it!
Whore School is Adult Sex Education, and for episode 360 we covered domination at a distance!
As with many episodes of a live podcast, the audience participation can make sticking to a strict topic difficult; you can listen to the episode on demand anytime! The folks in the Community Kink chatroom asked a lot of really excellent questions about domination games, and in person dynamics. It can be difficult to entirely replicate the in person dynamic between a dominant woman and a submissive man through distance domination, but just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s impossible. While in person domination games tend to heavily feature things like impact play and direct genital stimulation, obviously at a remove that’s harder to engage it. I can’t hit you with my flogger from several hundred miles away, after all. This just means there are a few alterations to play we need to make so that your session meets all your needs.
What sorts of changes are needed for good distance BDSM?
In person kinky sex obviously allows for literal hands-on techniques, like impact play, sensation play, and genital stimulation and cock control. Over the phone, or by text, we can’t do that! I can’t tie you up, restrain you, and then use my hands on you to make you beg for release. But, we can still have the same sort of fun, because the mental aspect of domination is absolutely still in play. I’ve made the point before that domination begins in the mind, and I stand by that! Even in person games require the mental aspect of domination and submission, otherwise you’re just getting a very enthusiastic massage. The submission you give to me over the phone is the same as the submission you’d give me if we were in the same room. Your obedience and willingness to let me be in control is the beating heart of distance domination.
Long distance domination and submission needs a strong mental component.
The difference between really good distance domination and mediocre or utterly boring phone sex is in the mental connection and will to exchange power. By that I mean that if you don’t agree to submit, have the mindset that you’re going to obey and follow directions, then you’re not going to have a good time. You may be able to jerk off and reach an orgasm to the idea and fantasy story I can tell you, but you’re missing the submission part. A submissive person hands over control and accepts what their dominant partner wants them to experience. There’s an element of trust, and a feeling of being safely out of control for the submissive. You can relax and just let what I want you to feel happen. Trust that your dominant partner does have your best interests in mind, and has the skill to direct you towards a deepening mental state that leads to ecstasy and bliss.
There’ve been reams written on why people want to submit.
There’s the release from responsibility, both for what happens next and for being turned on by what happens next. There’s the feeling of safety and security, the pleasure from making someone else purely happy by your submission, and the bliss from the sheer avalanche of endorphins. People submit because it feels good, and because they like it. And people like me are dominant because it feels good! We like it! (A lot!) If you’re curious, you can always pick up your phone and ask me to show you why distance domination is so much fun. After all, unlike in face to face interactions, you can always hang up if you’re not having fun. But I bet you’ll enjoy it at least a little, otherwise you wouldn’t have read all the way down to here.
Your Distance Domination Expert Mistress, Harper
i think male chastity devices are a nice accessory to distance domination!
I agree, jizzheadguy! If only there were reliable ones that I could lock or unlock (or do other things with) remotely!
Jizzy is an inventive and clever little pervert, and has come up with some solutions! There’s a reprogramable lock box of the sort used by real estate agents; you can tuck a key into a box, lock it up, and use a keycode to unlock it. And you can change the key code! A little work with a blindfold, clever fingers, and a webcam, and you can safely lock up all sorts of things.