As you all know, I’m in Texas! Yes, the accent is real, y’all. I was born in Austin, went to school here, and got my degrees in Texas. East Texas is my  stomping grounds, and I love the Big Piney Woods something fierce. Give me some gumbo and jambalaya, let’s sip some sweet tea on the front porch for Juneteenth, and head on up to First Mondays up in Canton, TX. (If you know what that is, you know, otherwise, just assume it’s an arcane greeting from a very specific part of Texas.) Part of Texas is the community, the neighbors, and the fierce independence. That very independence has gotten our state into a bit of a pickle, what with the pandemic and all. So, since I’ll be staying home even more than before, and avoiding all the fun that summer in Texas has to offer, I thought I’d run some summer specials for you all to enjoy! Help keep me amused and busy this summer, so I don’t pine for rafting down the Brazos River too often!

If you’re smart, you’ll be joining me in some social isolation and extreme mask wearing!

I run Whore School, which is Adult Sex Education for Perverts, and part of Whore School is a respect and acknowledgement of expertise. Listen to people who have made science their bitch, please. Years upon years of education and training have gone into creating some folks who really know their shit, and it behooves us to understand when and where a person has more understanding of a subject than we do. I routinely take complex subjects and do my best to distill them down to something digestible and understandable for lay-persons. From the convoluted history of the AIDS crisis to exactly what’s up with this whole trans and cis thing, it’s my job for Whore School to listen to experts and then relay knowledge to my audience. I take this reverence for expertise very seriously. So when I tell you that all the experts are saying you need to wear a mask in public, stay six feet away from people you don’t live with, and wash your hands regularly, what I mean is no really. Stay home if you can, do not go to the glory hole this weekend, and for the love of all that is holy, wear a face mask when you’re around people!

Since you’re smart, obviously you’ll be taking sensible precautions.

So here’s where part one of my summer specials comes in: email me a selfie of you in a face mask and I’ll give you five extra minutes in a session with me. Easy peasy. Show me your masks! Got one of the ones with the tiny little dicks all over it? Sweet, show it off! Fancy masks with flames and cool graphics? Awesome, let me see it! Drop me an email to harper at enchantrixempire dot com, and on your next call, text session, or session in our virtual playland, I’ll just add five minutes. Show! Me! Your! Masks!

Like that starter for the summer specials? But wait, there’s more!

After you’ve emailed me with a selfie featuring your face mask, you’ll also be entered to win a free custom audio from little ol’ me! That’s right, everyone who drops me an email with a face mask selfie gets put into a weekly pool to win a free custom audio. Up to five minutes, your topic of choice, gratis. On the house. Totally free. All for you. And a custom audio means that particular audio won’t be used for anything else, ever again. I won’t tweet it, excerpt it, share it around… that’s a special audio made for you and you alone.

Oh, did you want a custom audio, but didn’t win the free one? No worries, I’m dropping a summer specials extra on my custom audios this summer, too!

Hit me up for a custom audio and I’ll waive the script writing fee for you. Usually, if you provide the script, a custom audio is priced by the length of the audio. If I write the script for you, normally there’s an fee for my awesome creativity for you. But this summer, ask me for a custom audio, and I’ll waive the script fee. Not quite good enough? Ok, how’s this for a set of summer specials on custom audios: In addition to no script fee, on all custom audios over 15 minutes, I’ll add five minutes on top of your audio at no charge. Yes, that means you can get a 20 minute long custom audio for the same price as a 15 minute long custom audio, instead of making the jump to the 16 – 30 minute price tier.

There’s a tradition in Texas for wild-eyed announcers to just go ham over sales and specials, so, as a true Texas Mistress, I guess I’ll join in. Because there’s still more in the summer specials extravaganza bag!

Send me a face mask selfie and get five minutes added to your session, AND be entered to win a weekly drawing for a free five minute custom audio! All custom audio purchases this summer have no script writing fee as well as a bonus five minutes on 15 minute long audios!!! AND, just to prove that I’m really from Texas, where everything is bigger, all text and Skype sessions with me get an extra TEN MINUTES tossed on top just for you. That’s right. Buy ten, get ten. You must use those ten minutes after the ten you’ve paid for, in the same session, so if you cum too fast that’s your own damn fault, I told you to go slow and make it last. You must use your free ten minutes with me, not anyone else, for fucks sake. And that free ten minutes does not get added to multiple Mistress text and Skype sessions. (Yes, there’s always restrictions, which is a bummer, but that’s how life goes.)

Summer specials will last until either the pandemic ends, or we manage to hit Autumn, whichever comes first. Yes, that means the Autumn Equinox, and the actual start of Autumn. So you’ve got plenty of time to take advantage of the summer specials and make your social isolation sexy and fun.

Don’t forget to join Enchantrix Perks and earn points towards yet more free phone sex. And our social network, the Enchantrix Empire, where you can once more earn points towards free phone sex! I swear, we’re giving away the store here… But then, all this social isolation is making me a little bit stir crazy, so, what the heck.

Your Texas Mistress, with the wild Summer Specials, Harper