When it’s time to get your kink on, it’s hard to remember to practice your BDSM in a safe, sane way.

Let’s be real here: when you’re horny, your little brain is in charge instead of your big brain, and you can come up with some really dumb ideas in the name of getting off. I’ve seen people put things into their bodies that were really not meant to be inserted, use toys and tools that were unsuitable, and even put their actual lives on the line unknowingly. It’s enough to make me go gray prematurely!

Before you engage in risky BDSM play, you need to be aware of the safety risks, and so does your partner.

In the BDSM lifestyle communities, there are a couple of acronyms that pop up a lot: SSC and RACK. “SSC” refers to Safe, Sane, and Consensual, while “RACK” mean Risk Aware Consensual Kink. A BDSM glossary can be a big help navigating the community. For most situations, safe and sane are sufficient guidelines. It’s only when you start doing the really risky stuff that risk aware becomes the baseline.

If you’re doing safe and sane BDSM, where’s the fun?

Well, the fun is in doing something that feels really good and still being in good enough shape afterward to do it again. If you’re doing something that’s unsafe, you’re putting yourself into a position to be hurt, sometimes permanently. I wish I was kidding here… There are some things that are just plain unsafe, and yet people do them all the time.

I saw a picture on my twitter feed this morning that featured something I know to be unsafe: a male submissive had been turned into a birthday cake, by using needles with birthday candles attached, poked into his bottom. The needles, used properly, are fairly safe. The birthday candles, on the other hand, are an extremely unsafe thing to use on humans! Safety candles are made of parafin, which melts at a much lower temperature than beeswax, and so won’t burn skin. It’s why you can get a parafin wax dip for your hands and feet. Birthday candles melt at a much, much higher temperature! I know of a submissive who had to get skin grafts on her ass after playing with birthday candles.

BDSM play can be safe and sane, with a little planning and care.

Before you agree to let anyone do anything to you, you need to make certain that they know what they’re talking about, and that you are willing to accept the possible negative consequences of it. Don’t just take it on faith that the person you found online knows what they’re doing! Independent research is sexy, a submissive who knows the ins and outs of a scene is hot as fuck, and I just love knowing that my sub can call me out if I screw up. It ups my game, makes me pay better attention, stops me from slacking even a little bit, and gives you a better scene overall. Know your BDSM safety and refuse to play with unsafe tops.

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