Into every community a little drama eventually comes.
It’s an inevitable fact of human existence that we like to to gather into groups based on shared interests. Whether it’s a forum for sissies to share tips on makeup or a blog where stroking perverts can find interesting new things to do with their dicks, like minded folks will congregate and hang out. And each and every time you get more than three people in one place, you’re going to have drama. Interpersonal squabbles, fights over territory and even just plain ole’ dick measuring contests. It’s as certain of a thing as that the sun rises in the east.
The key to remember in any community drama fest is to stay calm.
And don’t forget your towel.
No, wait, that’s not quite it. Tho towels are important, they’re not as important as remembering that in any community the only true ‘coin’ you have is your reputation. Especially in kinky communities! The way that other people view you and speak about you is of vital importance. How, you may ask, does this have any bearing at all on community drama? Because the higher your status, the more damaging community drama can be to you.
Let’s say that a rumor starts going around…
Billy Joe Bob ignored a safeword. Sissy Sally said so, and she heard it from Sloppy Cunty Carol, who heard it from Dommly Dom Asshole Alan. And now you’ve heard it, and there’s Billy Joe Bob, right in front of you, about to talk a brand new submissive into playing. What do you do?
Stay calm.
Leaping to conclusions without any solid evidence is an excellent way to make an ass of yourself. Yes, it can feel very good to jump on in there, to pick a side, to draw the line in the sand between Us and Them. It’s human nature! Yeah, let’s start a riot! Or not. Remain neutral and calm as long as possible, both to protect your own reputation and to find the truth at the center of the issue.
There’s a saying that I’m fond of: If the truth can destroy something, it should be destroyed.
If the truth can destroy a reputation, if the truth can blow apart a relationship, if the truth can make someone never pick up a hank of rope to do a suspension ever again, then… let the truth reign. And picking sides, getting involved in community drama doesn’t serve the side of truth. When rumors fly, try to find the truth behind them. When there is a fight between two people, observe the truth in their words and judge for yourself. If two people argue over the safest way to do something kinky, find the truth for yourself.
And if you find that there is drama about you?
Stay calm. Bring out the truth, and find those people in your community who also seek the truth of the situation. People who love rumors, who help spread them and delight in the chaos of drama are not your friends when you’re in the middle of said drama. You need calm heads to support you, not hotheads.
Anecdote time!
A friend of mine had a rumor spread about him. Word got around to multiple cities, because that’s how drama works. When word got back to me, through a friend who sought the truth (she wanted to know if there was any grounds to worry, if there was truth in the rumors at all, and so she went looking for fellow minds.) I put my reputation on the line in the service of truth, and helped clear up the drama. The person who started the rumors was revealed to be untruthful, and no longer is a part of the community. The person who was maligned looks really good, because he never raised hand or voice to the rumor monger, nor to any who spread it. He took my advice, and stayed calm.
The key to surviving community drama is to remain calm.
Don’t rise to it, don’t feed it, and don’t let the truth remain hidden.
On the topic of drama, as someone who often does not pick up on social cues, I prefer it when people come straight out and tell me if they have a problem with me then when they try to drop hints that I may or may not get.
Sometimes what happens is someone starts out trying to be nice by dropping a hint under the notion that I will get the hint and be able to save face by not being completely publicly confronted. But I don’t get the hint, so they start being more obvious with them but I still don’t pick up on what behavior of mine is bothering them, but they assume that I am intentionally ignoring the hint, and it becomes a much bigger problem than it ever would have been had they just straight up told me. Private is better but I would even prefer friendly but public over dropping hints if I’m bugging someone.
Oh yes, straight up conversation is better than hints, every time. You can’t assume that people will pick up on things all the time. Sometimes you have to ‘nut up’ and speak your mind. I learned that one the hard way. You hint, and you hint, and eventually, you explode. But if you speak up the first time, you avoid months and months of annoyance and the explosion at the end!
Communication is hard. 😛 But worthwhile. And it’s worthwhile to learn new communication techniques to fill the hole when you discover that your current toolset is lacking. Nonviolent Communication is a good book, with great tips and techniques to have hard conversations without undue frustration or stress. 😀