As you know by now, I’m active in my local kinky community.

Basically, as soon as it was legal for me to be there, I started attending munches and parties and learning my little twisted heart’s desires. I’ve got over a decade of experience in the ‘scene’ and I’ve learned a few things in that time. Things like what to do when you go to a party. And what you really shouldn’t ever do at a kinky party.

Odds are good that whatever you’re imagining as a ‘typical’ kinky party is totally wrong.

My first bit of advice for you upon attending a kinky party is to attend with an open mind. Don’t go expecting to see some live action porno in front of you; similarly, don’t go thinking that nothing that happens at the party will shock you. There will be shocking things happening! Try to keep your shock and awe under control.

There will be tons of cool new toys and people doing amazing things at the party.

Remember what you learned in school: keep your hands off other people’s stuff. No touching without being invited! This includes toys, toy bags, rope, knives, and submissives! Unless they explicitly tell you it’s ok, the answer to ‘can I touch that?’ is a resounding ‘NO.’

You’re going to see things that you’ll want to remember later. This does not mean you should take out your cell phone and start taking pictures. What happens at a play party stays at the play party. The only ones taking pictures should be the people who, you guessed it, have explicit permission of everyone in the picture being taken. Never Ever Ever take pictures of people at a play party without their consent.

You may be thinking that you’ll go to a play party and find all sorts of people that are eager to torture your sweet ass.

Maybe, maybe not. Here’s the thing, sweetcheeks: Playing together is an act of intimacy and trust. Playing with strangers is a kink, but it’s not one that everyone shares. It can take a few parties before you find anyone that is comfortable enough around you to play with you. In the same vein, it can take a few parties before you relax enough to be comfortable being played!

Here’s the ettiquette: don’t walk up to every woman at the party and ask her to handle your junk. You may be a play slut, you may want the women at the party to play with you, to jerk you off and leave you wanting, to touch your cock and balls and tease your asshole while you moan and pant like a horny fuck doll. The reality is that most of the women at a play party (provided it’s not a Club Femme or dominatrix party) are not dominant women. The don’t want to be the one doing that to you, they want a big strong dominant man to be doing that to them (or something along those lines.) By asking every single woman to play you, you come off as pushy, inconsiderate and rude. By the time you finally manage to find the dominant woman, you’ve already built a reputation as an asshole and, hey, guess what, she doesn’t want to play with a rude boorish asshole.

Ok, here’s a few more bits of advice then I’ll tell you a story:

• Do not assume all the women are submissive.
• Do not assume all the women want to be ogled.
• Do not assume all the women are dominant.
• Just, don’t assume things about the people at the party, no matter what genitals they have.
• That big bald biker dude might be really into bondage and humiliation, and if you call him “Master” you’ll look silly as shit.
• Don’t touch anything without permission, and this includes hugging people!
• If possible, go with a friend, because you’ll be both safer and you’ll appear safer to the people at the party. The lone wolf is usually lone for a reason, and we’re all going to be wary of you.
• This one shouldn’t need to be said, but, sadly, it does: bathe before the party. Use deodorant or aftershave or cologne. If you get anxious or scared, you’ll sweat, and that doesn’t smell good in a crowded party. Funk will not get you played.

Ok, story time…

Once, I went to a party. I was wearing black skin tight jeans, a black tank top, had my hair in a pony tail, kick ass boots… I was looking to be dominant that night, cruising for people to let me do wicked things to them. I had a poor pathetic male ask me who my master was.

After I laughed at him, and everyone in earshot laughed at him, I told him I was not submissive. To which he replied “Oh, so will you fuck me?”

Guess who didn’t play with anyone at all that night? (not me, I wound up doing six scenes, three males and three females, ranging from rope bondage to tickle torture, to a bare handed over the knee spanking.)

My take home advice for Kinky Party attendees?

Manners matter, don’t touch without permission, keep an open mind, and have fun! Don’t be the Gloomy Gus sitting in the corner waiting for someone to notice them, and sulking quietly because they’re not popular. Get ‘cho ass up and circulate, bitch. Be sociable, but not touchy or pushy. Pretend it’s a mixer for work, and go make friends. Just because in the next room someone’s getting smacked with a crop and crying for release doesn’t mean you can suddenly transform into a pushy mouthbreather.

Get out there, all you kinky fetishists! Go to the munches, the parties, have fun. Because I guarantee you, there are people just like me there, and we’re looking for people to have fun with.