I was chatting with a friend of mine last night.
You see, Mistress Simone is a very smart lady. And she’s often right, when she has insight into what people are good at. She’s especially good at pointing out when a sissy should suck a cock, or when a small dick needs to sit down and shut up while his wife has her stud lover over. So, given that I’m also not exactly a dim bulb, I know to listen when Mistress Simone speaks up about what I’m good at.
You see, we’ve hung out in real time, face to face.
She’s gotten a good idea of what my personality is like. Last night, she told me I should let more people know about my mean side. “My mean side?” I mean, I thought I was all sweetness and light (don’t laugh at me), and that I didn’t really have a mean side. But, upon further reflection, yeah, I kinda do have a mean side. I can be a strict, mean mistress.
Just because it’s not what comes first to me, doesn’t mean I don’t have it in me.
I like to be sweet, I like to be kind and compassionate and all those other positive adjectives. And, well, this is going to get a little esoteric, so I hope you’ll stick with me. There’s an idea in Buddhism called “Idiot Compassion”. In a nutshell, it’s the idea that it is possible to be too compassionate and that sometimes, tough love is needed.
There’s the root of my so called mean side.
When you need me to be sweet and kind and compassionate, to see the positive in you and celebrate it, I am more than happy to do so. I love celebrating triumphs, guiding you towards the path you’re most happy and blissful on. I really do.
And when you need me to kick your fucking ass in gear, really lay into you and redirect your worthless, spineless, pathetic little self, well. I can do that, too. I have no patience for people who wallow in their own self pity, and I can and will verbally flay you for it. When you need someone to point out all your shortcomings, both literal and metaphorical; when you find yourself off the path to your own bliss, lost and wandering and need a nice boot to the ass to get you back where you need to be?
You? Mean? Never!
I can be really mean! For instance, there was the time I told one of my toys that he couldn’t come for two weeks, but that he could edge for me. Daily. And then, when he IM’d me, begging, I told him he didn’t have to edge that day, instead he could watch porn. While stroking. But he still couldn’t cum.
See? Mean.
And also funny. 😛
(Good grief, I love my job!)
But did he deserve it? Did he do something that made the 2 weeks occur? And the begging, take your assignment and move on.
You really are never satisfied, are you?
All he did to deserve it was to ask me nicely for it. I can be mean, but I like to have a reason behind it, something rational and sane. I don’t do random punishments just for shits and giggles; if you earn a punishment, it tends to be something in line with what turns you on, only inverted. So if you’re an attention whore, I’ll ignore you; a pain slut gets softly petted and gently teased; a chastity slave winds up cumming over and over until he can’t see straight. That sort of thing. When I do a punishment, it’s a real punishment!
Hello Mistress, 😉 ; It’s been a while though I have always kept an eye on your page. But I just couldn’t resist this one. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that it was easy to see your “mean” side if only because it just seems normal, like the ying and yang, or the balance that makes us all complete. But what intrigued me the most about this particular posting is that it made me wonder just how you “balance” that when you meet someone as willful as yourself or maybe even contemptuous. What happens if the sissy you are playing with turns out to be only a façade that hides the true being within. What if that sissy is actually a very dominant male who pretends to be a sissy only to seek his own sort of justification or equilibrium. It would seem to me that even if said sissy wasn’t an alpha type, but merely a very strong willed character, it would be quite interesting to witness the clash of wills. I wonder, do you ever encounter these kinds of scenarios?
I think it is always possible that the people we meet might not actually be anything like our first impression leads us to believe. But hey, that’s what makes life so interesting. 😉
🙂 Hi Davina! Welcome back.
I do sometimes have those sorts of sissies, or other clients. The ones that say they want one thing, but they’re really looking for something else. I try to figure out what they’re actually needing, and then see if there’s some way I can meet that need for them. I really do see a lot of what I do as a type of therapy, or counseling. I want the people who come to me with a need or desire to have that need/desire at least seen, acknowledged and touched upon, even if I can’t fully meet what they need.
The best way in the world to deal with someone being ‘alpha’ at me (or at anyone, really), is to refuse to play their game. It is all a power game, remember, so when someone is trying to dominate you, they’re wanting you to hand over some of your authority, to cave to their desires. If you don’t want to do that, then don’t. It doesn’t have to be about humiliation or saving face or making someone else feel like poo; it’s recognizing your own boundaries and what behavior you’re comfortable with indulgng.
Just because some guy comes at me with attitude doesn’t mean I have to answer it with more of the same. My ‘mean’ streak, or dominance has nothing to do with how bitchy, cruel or crass I can be. Even tho I can be all of the above quite well, I can also be very dominant and very firm about what I’m willing to put up with, in the sweetest, kindest and most gentle way possible.
That approach, btw, drives assholes up the wall. You ever see someone spoiling for a fight get put in his place by sweetness? It’s awesome. I always have a good giggle after I get done with those interactions. 😉
Hope you’re doing well Davina! I haven’t seen you around here in ages!!!
~laughs~ I soooooooooo enjoy your posts Harper! I cracked up at the part about “Idiot Compassion”. I didn’t know about that phrase, but the sentiment is surely true!
It’s like Madela’s quote of not serving anyone by playing “small.”
AND, when done in terms of erotica or Power Exchange plays….well, that “meanness” is like a carefully cultivated spice in an exquisite dish!
I know that others agree…..your ability to spice up a call is amazing! And, while I do indeed love your gentle/supportive posts that are imbued with lovingkindess….I also love it when you let ‘er RIP!
Thanks for this post!
And, thank you for pointing out the difference between articulating boundaries (VERY important always) and simply being bitchy! LOL, big difference!
Thanks for commenting Olivia! And for pointing out the difference between boundaries and being bitchy. I know way too many people who want to be seen as a top or dom(me) who just act like total assholes, as tho that were all it took to be dominant. Everytime I go to a party and see someone acting like an ass, I roll my eyes on the inside. lol! There’s a difference, like you said, between being a strong person with well defined boundaries and being a bitch. I don’t want to be a bitch, but I will put my foot down firmly when needed.
I ran across the term Idiot Compassion a few years ago, and it really resonated with me. I was doing a lot of meditation at the time on compassion, because it is one of my guiding prinicples. So to come across the idea that it is possible to take that base-line compassion too far, to become a force of negativity instead of a positive light, just by being inappropriately compassionate… really blew my mind. It’s stuck with me, too. It’s the idea of giving people what they need, what’s most positive for you and for them in that moment, instead of just what they ask for. Love that.
😉
Harper