When you first get started playing with BDSM and kinky sex, it’s easy to run wild.

You get super excited about this new world, and then you run yourself into a wall. Just like any new hobby, it’s easy to mis-judge your stamina and energy, and let your interest drag you along into untenable and unsustainable situations. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen someone brand new to the scene get caught up in their own enthusiasm and wind up signing a slave contract before they even know what they’ve agreed to! Kinky sex can be highly addictive, and if you’re not aware of that up front you can trip on your own wild enthusiasm.

kinky sex 800 356 6169Just like your new kinky sex life can get going too fast and too hard, so too can a single scene.

Remember that in kinky sex and bdsm, any encounter with power exchange elements is called a ‘scene’. Like in acting, a scene begins, has action, and then ends. It is a discrete time and place in which people do stuff. You can say you “live the scene”, and mean that you’re always in a bdsm or kinky sex scene, but in reality there are times and places where outside reality intrudes and the scene comes to a pause at the very least.

If you start a kinky sex scene with a whole lot of enthusiasm and energy, it’s very difficult to maintain such a high level of action. You can, by all means, but remember that you and your partner(s) have limited stamina and energy, and that eventually you will run dry and be too exhausted to continue. Pacing your scene (and your kinky life!) is vital.

Kinky sex scene pacing is a learned skill.

Hell, pacing any life activity is a learned skill! You’ve got to practice self awareness so that you know when it’s time to take a break, and you need to have good boundaries on an interpersonal level to be able to disengage and actually take that break! I’ve found that one of the best metaphors for thinking of the pacing of life, and of kinky sex, is to view the action as a wave. The tide comes in, the tide recedes, the wave always comes back again. In, and out, up and down, your interest and enthusiasm waxes and wanes, and that’s not just ‘ok’, but actually a marker for a healthy life. Learning to go with the flow, to allow tension in the scene to build and then ebb, only to build again, until the tide reaches the high water mark and then flows back to the ocean… it’s tricky to learn, but once you get a feel for it, your sex scenes, and your life, will improve greatly.

Learn to flow with the tides of your sex life, you’ll discover this skill carries over to pretty much every part of your life!

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I’d like to congratulate the winners of the Humiliation Scavenger Hunt! 

Send me an email, I’ll set you up with your ten free minutes. You’ll need to call in to claim your time with me, but once you do that we can connect via phone or Skype. Alice, Fisty, Doubletee! You all got your comments in withing the time limit, so congrats on your free phone sexy times with Moi. Fisty, you also correctly found the odds of winning the stroking game form ye olden ages ago on Tease Mafia, so you also get that ten minute reward. Oooh, Aaah, Fisty’s gonna have fun.