There is something about assertive maleness that has made a comeback in recent months.
You know the sort of assertive maleness I’m talking about, you see it all the time online, and in face to face interactions as well. The more it becomes politically incorrect to mock transgendered people, the more equal women strive to become, the louder that assertive maleness becomes. It’s a toxic caricature of what a certain undeveloped ego type thinks ‘maleness’ ought to be. It’s the “Alpha Male vs. Beta Male” bullshit without the dumbass pick up artist language attached.
This toxic assertive maleness has quite a few things wrong with it, and I’ll tell you all about it, happily!
I was perusing an online magazine site (I forget which, in the way one does when reading online), and they had an article about masculinity and it’s relationship to good sex. In fact, it was about toxic masculinity and its tendency to co-opt female sexuality in service of the male ego. For some males, hearing their female sexual partners having a loud, screaming, sheet clutching orgasm is not about the woman’s pleasure, but instead, it’s about the male’s ego: he wants to think of himself as a good lover, and so his female partner often sacrifices her own authentic pleasure in the name of stroking his ego. Gentlemen, if you’re so concerned that your partner have a ‘good’ orgasm that you miss her cues about what authentically pleases her, and instead demand that she perform an orgasm for you… you’re engaging in toxic assertive maleness.
Likewise to turning a woman’s genuine pleasure into a pantomime for the male ego, assertive maleness demands that any woman accede gracefully to whatever it is the male desires.
When the assertive maleness practitioner asks a woman “do you like this?” the only possible answer is “oh, yes, of course.” Because any other answer is taken, quite often, as an attack on his very innermost person. To reject anything the assertive maleness actor does is a personal attack, even a critique of the media he enjoys becomes an attack on his self. If I were to tell you I enjoy Captain America more than Batman, to a male who enjoys his assertive maleness and Batman as well, he’d immediately tell me all the ways in which I am wrong, and Batman is the best. For those suffering under assertive maleness, any statement of opinion or preference on the part of a woman becomes an attack.
As proof of the terribly toxic and fragile masculinity of assertive maleness, I present the entirety of Gamer Gate.
Sit back and watch the comments section of any online article about Gamer Gate: the comments prove that assertive maleness is a toxic and fragile construct, unable to hold up under any real critique or examination. Each comment thread devolves into threats and drama, with doxxing and threats of SWATing, amongst other threats. All directed at those who dare to defy the assertive maleness script.
I’ve had a few clients who fall into the assertive maleness paradigm.
Men who have told me to “stop talking now”, to submit to them, to repeat their scripts back word for word… each one was so caught up in their performance of masculinity that they were unable to put aside their masks and meet me as an individual. They put me into a role, and demanded that I perform for them, in an unsatisfying pantomime of real connection and intimacy. Instead of allowing themselves to be in the moment, they acted out the role of the Manly Man, and had me perform Willing Female.
I posit that setting aside the role of Assertive Maleness Personified and simply accepting that humans are complex beings would have been a much more enjoyable way to spend an hour or two.
It’s possible, I assure you, to be both male and submissive, just as it’s possible to have penetrative sex with a woman and also beg to take it up one’s own ass in turn. There’s no need to roleplay manliness, unless one sees oneself as so inherently unmanly as to attempt to portray masculinity… That irony, I fear, would require much more self awareness than most of the assertive maleness actors possess.
The great lie of modern sex is that assertive maleness is necessary at all.
There is no need for assertive maleness. That portrayal of masculinity is false, hampers true intimacy, and just irritates everyone around the actor in that role. Let it go, gentlemen. Be your true self, your most authentic self. You have no need to pretend to be so assertively male.
Goodness, this was so beautifully explained. Wonderful. Thoughtful blog, as usual. I grew hard reading it, though that reflex might have been materially advanced by the audio link. I twice listened to your pleasure, which you very effectively presented to your audience via audio. The first time, I listened without having read to the end your blog comment. The second time I listened with the edification gained from your blog. The second time, I focused on YOUR pleasure. (I’m not sure where my focus was the first time I listened.) I found my ability to focus on you was facilitated by fantasizing that you were “with bull,” which naturally assigned to me the role of “cuckold.” (In my previous sentence, I deliberately chose the word “assigned” [instead of “demoted”] because, candidly, I see nothing wrong with cuckoldry. It’s simply one potential situation a male can find himself when within in a Female Led Relationship.)
Listening as a cuckold was very sweet. I enjoy the status as cuckold and I thank you, insofar as my fantasy is concerned, for fitting the bull and me into our respective roles. I’m happy at your pleasure and happy to submit. You were musical. You really enjoyed yourself. Outstanding.
I’m glad you found something meaningful in my words. 😉
This was indeed well written but definitely not jack off material, but something wonderfully intellectual. I applaud your mind Harper. I can definitely tell when you speak or write that your IQ is something much larger then the average individual. I hope your clients find this blog to be both informative and thought provoking as it was to Me. 🙂 On another note, I actually like it when I get scripts or things to say, Though, I must say that I prefer it upfront to in mid call where it throws off the rhythm. It’s sort of like having sex, and interrupting to go get some ice cream. Well, there again, some people enjoy ice cream A LOT! LOL. Okay, now I’m just having fun. Keep up the great writing and make the men Work to bring you pleasure. I would expect nothing less from someone as astounding as YOURSELF!! Cheers! Love, Mistress Simone
Oh, I think it could be jack off material, provided men can get past their largest obstacle to real intimacy and connection.. their own huge egos. lol!
Just wait, I’ll be doing a follow up to this one in which I circle back around to the influence of porn on modern men’s sexuality, and reveal the truth about gender roles and learned sexual fetishes: humankind’s true state is bisexuality, and most men are slowly becoming attuned to their attraction to other men, and beginning to accept their place in the New World.
But, that’s another post. 😉
Um, er . . . I never like to disagree with an LDW Mistress, particularly Mistress Simone (who is simply wonderful: I know from experience). But, I can attest that Mistress Harper’s blog is, in fact, jack off material. I have proof of that. But I ate the evidence. (See Mistress Harper’s June 10, 2015 blog comment.)
ha! best way to clean up any mess is with your tongue. 😉
Amazing article. Thank you for writing it. You put a lot of my thoughts about gender into words that I hadn’t found before.
I’m glad you liked it!
I like to do think pieces every now and then, just to get a different perspective on things out there. 😉