Welcome back to Sex Education for Adults!
I got disgusted by the state of sex ed in America when an adult friend of mine informed me that of course you can only get an STD from penis in vagina sex, and I decided to do something about it. I started last month with Sex Ed for Adults part one, in which I basically warned my readers to brace themselves. Part two of the Adult Sexual Education series went over basic anatomy and gender identity, while Adult Sex Education part three covered orientation and desire.
In a nutshell, you are not obligated to identify with what’s in your pants, and what gets you off doesn’t have to be what you are. Got it? No? Well go read the links to catch up!
This lesson in the Sex Ed for Adults series is all about relationships and intimacy.
When I talk about a relationship, I mean all the interrelationships you have! You have a relationship both with the person you stick your dick into and the person you pour your heart out to, as well as the person who hands you your grande mocha frappe, the one who signs your paycheck, and the person who delivers your mail. Each of these relationships involves varying degrees of intimacy, both emotional and physical. As an adult, you manage your relationships by carefully maintaining boundaries and limits on the intimacy you share with the people you are in relationship to.
Intimacy in relationships is one of the best things we get out of being human.
If you’ve ever studied psychology, you know about Harlow’s wire nurture experiment. If you haven’t, take a moment to be horrified. It turns out that without nurturing touch and intimacy, we human primates don’t do well at all. In orphanages it’s called ‘failure to thrive’, but it’s referencing the fact that if we don’t get touched, we get sick. For complex humans, if we don’t feel heard, empathized with, emotionally resonated with, we start to experience psychological problems, too. Physical intimacy is vital for human health, and emotional intimacy is equally vital for human mental health.
Emotional intimacy in adults leads to a happy and fulfilling sex life.
There are a lot of ways to create emotional intimacy, and technology is a huge assistance tool for us! If you’re feeling lonely, bereft, left out of life, and abandoned by your loved ones, you can create greater intimacy and get the benefits of a good relationship for yourself. You can have both physical intimacy and emotional intimacy with your sexual partners, it doesn’t have to be only physical intimacy, no matter what sexual myths you’ve been led to believe! The act of becoming vulnerable and opening yourself up to your partner can bring you immense pleasure and increased health.
Great topic Harper. I wasn’t aware of the Harlow experiment or maybe forgot about it after the psych or sociology courses I took years ago. The concept hits home. I’m in my mid-40s, only had two short relationships, and never married. After bonding with each woman I was fortunate to know, I opened up about what I value about intimacy. Simple things like holding hands, a hug, a back-scratch, the feel of her legs touching mine in bed, or waking side-by-side in the morning. Love making can be added to the list but I also value it for many of the more carnal pleasures we discuss in forums here at LDW. However, it’s the simple and more innocent acts of touching that mean so much for the reason you point out, Harper. To give a personal example, there have been times when seeing a couple hold hands kinda broke my heart. I wanted the same in my life but just felt like it was out of reach. I’ll end by saying that if there’s someone in your life that wants to hold your hand, value their touch.
Touch between humans is absolutely essential! It opens us up to intimacy and vulnerability, and helps us feel connected to one another.
If you have the time, look up “T Touch” or “Therapeutic Touch”; it’s a technique developed to help with neonatal intensive care patients who need need need touch, and was found to also be helpful for people in nursing homes who didn’t get as much loving touch as they needed. You can perform T Touch on yourself, if the skin hunger becomes too overwhelming to manage, and you find yourself longing for loving touch.
I hope you’ve got someone you can share skin contact with.
Great blog post Ms Harper and this is a great series. I think touch between humans can also include the voice touch which is what we do with distance or phone relationships. While it is not physical face to face touch … there is something therapeutic about being fully HEARD …. and I think a phone sex artist is way more than simply an erotic entertainer … I think we are in a unique position to make sure people feel fully listened to. Does that make sense?
Absolutely! One of the keys to communication is listening. When you’re having a conversation with someone, it’s not a matter of just waiting while they talk and thinking of what you’re going to say next: you listen deeply to them, giving them the gift of your attention, so that they can feel truly heard and valued.
A whole lot of what we do is all about building the space for intimacy, and listening to our callers is a huge part of that. It’s one of my favorite parts, to be honest! I love the rush of the connection, the touch — even voice to ears instead of skin to skin! Compassionate attention and deep listening. Incredible gifts to get to give to one another, and we get to give these gifts everyday!!!
What?
CHECK YOUR HEARING AID!!!
😉
HAHAHAHAHA, okay I’m so sorry! I absolutely HAD to do that tired ass old joke …… I’m so sorry. ~laughs~ Seriously I LOVE your thoughtful blog posts and have a massive girl-crush on you!
Oh My Gosh, you freaked me out! I was wondering what I said and where I went wrong and did something happen.. 😛 Goofball!
*blush*… aw, gee. I really love your posts, too, and your voice and your mind and just everything.
<3
I know…..that joke actually works MUCH better in person or on the phone:
You: So and so isn’t listening.
Me: What?
You: So and so isn’t listening.
Me: What?
You: ….. WTF ????
both of us: (hopefully) laughing!
~giggles~
What’s that?
What?
😉
WHAT?
HUH?
hee heee heeeee
I’m sure not submissive … but damn girl, I’d let you TOP me for sensation play!
WHAT?
What? You’d let me what now? I wasn’t listening… say it again!
(rofl!!!)
I
will
say
it
V-E-R-Y
slowly
and
Ohhhhhhhh
so
clearly
YEAH
Oh yeah
and then ….
THAT.
…people are going to wonder what the fuck is wrong with us. XD But then again…
Wait, what were we talking about?
You’re going to end up with this blog post with something like 6 thousand comments …. it’s like a sexy texting session … only cleaner …. but I can tell you, it’s DAMN DIRTY in my mind!
Everything’s dirty if you do it right. 😉
LOL …. did you do a Mistress Interview with Miss Constance? One question was something about how phone sex has changed the way I ‘see’ the world or something like that … I said well I saw the letters BBC in a non-sexual setting (Doctor Who) and I immediately thought Big Black Cock …. instead of British Broadcasting Corp! hahahahhahahahahha Now that there is funny, I don’t care who you are!
Oh god, this work has made me crack up laughing at things that really aren’t funny… CBT is both Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cock and Ball Torment. 😛 I also laugh anytime someone tells me “you’re going to judge me for this, but I…” I’m like, babe, if I don’t judge people for chronic masturbation and spunk gobbling, your failure to do the laundry isn’t going to even phase me.
😉
LOL! I am laughing about your and Ms. Olivia’s exchange here in the comments!!
But I digress. I have to say Ms. Harper, I find this series fascinating, and so real! I think here many can and should also connect this feeling of intimacy and relationship to their phone Mistress. After all, the feelings are REAL! The orgasms shared are REAL, and many close bonds can be formed. Intimacy is amazing because it is not bound by the rules of time or physical location. You either feel it or you do not.
Great post!
It doesn’t matter what process we use to create intimacy, the intimacy and relationships are real. Which is why I adore what we do! So many opportunities for intense relationships and intimacy, and it doesn’t matter that we’re not in the same physical space, because we can create the emotional and mental space together!
LOVED your comment Ms Delia …. now I’m yearning for a three way between you, me and Ms Harper…..hey I just thought of something … Ms Harper you play in ‘real life’ (i.e. you’re active in the face-to-face fetish scene) … we should all met at a convention …. can you say, Spanksgving in St. Louis? I CAN! ~grinz~
We’d burn the place down with the concentrated hotness!
Although, can you picture all three of us with a sweet subby fella, cowering under the overwhelming force of our combined attention?
😀