Like the title of the post says, some handy tips for anal play from your phone sex mistress.
I bet you’re wondering exactly what sort of tips and tricks a phone sex mistress could possibly have to give you on playing with your own asshole. I mean, we’re not usually the ones getting rogered here, it’s you, you darling little ass slut! Let me tell you, if a mistres wants her ass toy to keep coming (ahem) back for more, she has to have a little knowledge and skill…
Know your Lube!
If you’re thinking you’d love to be penetrated by a nice big cock, buttplug or dildo, then you’re going to very quickly become aware of one major difference between your asshole and a nice pink pussy. A nice pink pussy is, ah… self lubricating. Your asshole? Not so much. If you want to shove something up your ass, then you’re going to need to lube it up. I reccommend water based lubes because they’re compatible with silicone sex toys (the most common materiel for sex toys nowadays), they’re fairly easy to clean up, and they won’t throw off your body’s chemistry. I like Hydra Lube for exactly that reason.
Know your Toys.
Use only those toys designed for ass play. If it’s not meant to be shoved deeply into your most secret opening, then don’t stick it there! Here’s the thing: if you’re doing it right, you’re going to be cumming. When you orgasm, all the muscles in your ass will clench, only, instead of clenching so as to expel your anal intruder, your ass will suck your toy deeper. Pull it in and hold it tight. And if you’re not using a toy with either a long string attached, a handle or a flared base, your improvised butt toy will disappear right up your rectum, to be retrieved only with the assistance of a very embarrassed EMT.
In addition to the issue of the disappearing toy, you also need to be aware of a few toy related foibles for your ass play. The only way you’ll be able to tell if you’ve torn something inside yourself is when (sorry for the graphic-ness), shit large amounts of blood. Yeah. Sorry. But the inside of your ass chute doesn’t have nerves that transmit that sort of sensation, so you won’t be able to tell. Never, ever, put anything sharp, pointed, or scratchy in your ass. Rounded, darlings. Only rounded. And don’t just shove it all the way in! Take your time, go slowly, enjoy it.
The final key to ass play?
If it hurts, stop.
Pegging fantasies, letting your Mistress fuck your rear end, playing with your ass as part of your masturbation practice and bending over for a good strong fuck from a bull stud are all fun and pleasurable activities! Just, do them safely, sweeties.
Ah Ms. Harper, i can vouch for the “embarrassment” of losing things….just not first hand. one of my best friends used to be an endoscopy technician in Florida. she and i used to laugh ourselves to death as she related the things she’s helped retrieve, both inanimate and formerly animate. 😉
oh, man, the formerly animate ones really squick me out. ugh. 😛
i know exactly what You mean, Ms. Harper. i’m not one to pass judgement quickly, but that’s one thing that just keeps me asking….WHY?
whenever it called for endoscopy, she’d be manning the probe that contained the light & camera, while the Doc would manipulate the probe for snagging. she said, once they had the foreign body on-screen, it was sometimes difficult to keep from laughing long enough to get the job done smoothly.
Put What Where?
buttplug, anus.
Ms Harper…some great advice. I would hate to get something lost up my ass and have to go to the emergency room. I too have a friend that works at a hospital, she told me about all the laughs they get. First they do an X-ray…which gives them quite the laugh. Then they have to retrieve the item …sometimes this requires blowing air up the ass to help make it easier to retrieve. All in all some great laughs for the emergency staff. This is why I use something with a long handle 🙂 I don’t want to be the “Butt of anyones jokes”. Well except for you mistress!!!!
Honestly, I kinda wondered how they got things back out again, but I was picturing high grade laxatives and an anal lavage. Kinda… wash it out… ugh. 😛
Long handles, strings, flared bases…
I saw an X-ray once of someone with a lightbulb up their butt. All I could think of was ‘you know he didn’t cum, he’d have popped it’ follwed by ‘AUGH!’
lol
Lightbulb up the ass..now that’s living dangerously.
I live by the motto…no wood (splinters) no glass (it can break), no food/veggies (bacteria), no strings (they can break). That’s why I like something long, and the length of the end sticking out needs to be more than a the width of my hand so that I can easily remove it.
Heard on a radio show, guy was cleaning his place,in the buff like everyone does, fell off a chair and got a spud in the bum. Hate those bum spuds.