Whore School episode 219 was all about Stress, Anxiety, and Mental Health, and if you missed it, you missed a good one! Don’t worry, you can stream it on demand any time and listen to it, as well as the previous 218 hour long episodes! But, to build on that episode, and pull out an idea that I didn’t get much of a chance to touch on, let’s talk about Sex and Stress.

We already know that stress can really fuck you up.

Remember that our bodies, and the changes that evolution brings to our species over time, tends to be conservative, in that it likes to reuse systems that are already in place. Why build a whole new method when something already exists that comes pretty close to doing what we need it to do? Just re-use existing biochemical and physiological pathways, and boom, you’re cooking with a fragile bag of chemistry surrounded by bones and meat! Ok, that analogy got away from me, but, you get the gist. Our limbic system does a lot of good things for us, but it can also cause us a lot of stress. The limbic system controls and regulates our memory, emotions, ability to learn, and our motivation; it’s tied into our endocrine system and reacts to changes in our environment and mindset. The limbic system is the part of our brains that makes the link between sex and stress!

What is the link between sex and stress?

Have you ever been so stressed out that you had physical reactions to that stress? Headaches, nausea, stomach upset, heartburn, trouble sleeping and regulating your emotional responses are all common reactions to stress. For that matter, sexual dysfunction is also a common response to stress. As I pointed out in the podcast, stress can be acute, or short term, or chronic and long term. Long term stress is the sort of stress a person could become accustomed to, habituated to, to such a degree that it almost seems to fade into the background, but don’t let that fool you! Chronic stress can have extreme effects on the body, including impotence, erectile dysfunction, and a loss of libido. And, the longer you’re experiencing stress, the more lasting and long term the effects can be. If you value your sex life, reducing stress becomes absolutely vital!

So, what do you do about all that stress messing with your sex life?!

The number one thing to do about stress is to address it directly, and try to alleviate it. In cases where you simply can’t eliminate the stressor, learning to cope with it and minimize it is deeply important. Look to your habits and rituals throughout the day, and add in little touches to help reduce stress. For example, do you make a habit of reading your newsfeed obsessively? Scrolling twitter constantly for updates, or refreshing your Facebook feed? Are you searching for the quick hit of dopamine that comes from finding something interesting, and instead stewing your endocrine system in endless stressful stimuli? Give some thought to not doing that so much, in order to reduce your stress levels and take care of your mental health. While you’re at it, add some exercise, because that ups your endorphins and makes you feel fantastic, while helping build resiliency to stress and more!

More ways to reduce your stress? Let’s return to that sex and stress connection, shall we…

Masturbate. Just give yourself a little break for some good old fashioned alone time. All the things that make you feel good and help you feel sexy? Do that. Go all out, because stress is not fun at all, and anything you can do to bring your stress levels down is a good thing. No shame, no guilt, no fear, just chase after a moment or two of happiness and bliss. The world will still be there, the stress will still be lurking, but you can at least toss a middle finger to the forces of entropy long enough to rub one out.

Remember, if you need help finding your zen long enough to have a lovely orgasm, I’m always available to you!

Or, if you’d just like some advice about dealing with your stress and life, check out my skills as a Kinky Life Coach! I can help guide you towards your goals, and bring you a little closer to your bliss. And maybe help you let go of some shame and guilt over what makes you orgasmically happy while I’m at it.

Your Stress and Sex Mistress, Harper