Cauli’s Story:

I have a sweet submissive who has made some huge strides towards the life he truly wants to live, and I asked him if he’d be willing to share, in his own words, a bit about his journey. So, here’s Cauli’s story for you! I hope you find it inspirational and aspirational!

Me, Mistresses, and Mindfulness

In honor of the end of Mental Health Awareness Month, and the start of Pride Month, I have been inspired to share my story. This won’t be your typical sob story where the protagonist rides off into the sunset and everything gets framed in rose colored glasses. This is a story of change, acceptance, and personal growth, but this is only the beginning! Buckle in open your mind, read on, and if you take anything away from this I hope it is this: It is okay to love yourself!

Me

My story begins in the middle. Life is tough, we have all experienced trauma and setback and shots to our pride and self-confidence, from the wealthiest to the poorest among us, regardless of race, sexual preference, or gender, we all have emotions and vulnerabilities. So here I was the final straw in my house of cards balancing my life had been knocked away: my parents were getting divorced. Devastated to my core, I began to withdraw more and more from my friends, my romantic life was non-existent, and my work performance was a suffering. I turned to my old hobby/habit to just escape from my reality — Cross-dressing. There was something about getting done up that just distracted me from the shitty day to day, when I am a man I have to be a rock a beacon of swagger and confidence (which, that is me, it isn’t forced) but on the inside I was a mess. That lead down the rabbit hole, I started watching porn… A LOT OF PORN. The deeper I went the more I realized I really wanted to experience some of this. So HELLO GOOGLE…search after search coming across sites like sissy school but I wasn’t ready for that, so the search continued. FINALLY, I found it a podcast that helped me express what I was feeling inside.

Mistresses

The podcast, I believe you can guess was Whore School with Mistress Harper. I listened, and it was nothing like I expected. What I knew of mistresses was latex, leather, restraints and whips, but Harper was different. So for two months, I listened to the recordings, and listened, and wow I just felt this is someone who gets my struggle. So I put my big boy pants on, created an account and joined a show live. I was hooked, this amazing woman was sharing her own pain and vulnerability and she was gorgeous. I emailed her, we chatted back and forth, never once did she pressure me for money or a call. My self-esteem was growing, I finally decided I needed to talk and burn off so stress and needed someone to see me, ALL of me. The unconditional compassion I was shown was amazing. So I asked, how do I get more involved in this community? She suggested munches and this video game/chat thingy called The Virtual World. I joined and in the first week, I met Mistress Ryan. It was like seeing a reflection of myself. I continued following this path, and getting encouraged to step away from the computer, which was what I wanted, and Mistress Ryan and Mistress Harper were there to encourage me to my goals, going out and finding a woman into the Scene that I could truly experience some of my fantasy and you know maybe just be held and loved, I haven’t found that yet but, I have been going on more dates and learning a lot about myself. My confidence was growing and I began to become aware of what was actually bothering me, Me.

Mindfulness

On my own, I sought treatment; I was a football player, lax bro, and finance guy, I thought I’m not suppose to need this! However, there was just nothing inside at this point I was empty and on autopilot day after day, I needed to change. So I did what was the right thing for me, I spoke to my doctor and asked for a referral to a therapist. I was embarrassed to tell this woman that I like to wear womens clothes and I really wanted to “deal” with it. She smiled nodded and said, I have a doctor who I thing would be perfect to work with. She told me I’m not the only one. She also said you know I do not think you have anything more than some pretty intense reactions to the mounting stress I was experiencing. I went back and spoke to both Mistress Ryan and Mistress Harper, I told them what I did. The pride I could hear in their voices and in their words, my heart grew a little. It was like a mental embrace. Mistress Harper had spoken many times about meditation with me and in her show, and what do you know that is exactly what my therapist suggested (Mistress Harper really does know what she is talking about).

The Close

Now, this has been a 6 month journey at the culmination of over a decade of self-degradation. I am not where I want to be. However, I have a positive outlook that I can get there and the confidence that I will get there. My path is not right for everyone and if I have learned anything through my journey so far its that the word “should” is one of the most repressive and powerful word that someone can say to me. If I wasn’t for Mistress Harper and Mistress Ryan, my life would have been stuck in a dark room masturbating thinking of everything I “should” do. These two wonderful women, and the supporting cast of the other LDW Mistresses, helped me figure out what I wanted by asking the right questions and encouraging me to be a better me. So if I can leave you with a single item to think on, I ask yourself, “Self: What is it that ‘I’ want?” Then pursue your dreams, and if you are stuck, I can speak from experience, there is a truly amazing community here with these mistresses that can help.

Much Love and Happy Pride
Caulifla, aka Ryan’s Bish
p.s. You can change even if you don’t believe it yourself, know that I believe in you!

I want to thank Cauli for sharing!

No matter where you are in life, you can make new choices and move towards greater happiness, and a better sex life, too. I believe in you, and so does Cauli! 😉