If you’re a submissive cocksucker it can be very hard to find a nice cock to suck.

With the new regulations aimed at ending all forms of sex work and, tangentially, sexual slavery, there are very few online sites a submissive cocksucker can use to find dick to lick. Craigslist closed down their personals section, Backpage went belly up, and all the various fora and gathering spots online for whores and sluts to hook up have gone the way of the dodo. It’s tragic, because what’s a desperate little cocksucker to do?!

Where do you go to hook up for no strings attached blowjobs?

Before, one could put up an ad online and have all sorts of lovely applicants lining up to have their dick sucked. You could take your time, and be picky about the quality, size, and girth of the cock you were about to suck. Now, however, you have to be just a little bit more brave, and actually go out to find a cock to suck. For a submissive cocksucker, getting all dressed up and heading to the gay club can feel an awful lot like trying to traverse up Kilimanjaro. Difficult, scary, intimidating, and darn near impossible to figure out where to start!

Never fear, cock whore, there’s a few tried and true tricks to help you get your lips around a cock.

Yes, you will have to go out in public. But, if you go nice and slow, and aren’t too picky, you can have your lips wrapped around an alpha male’s cock by the weekend! You’re going to want an outfit that advertises what sort of slut you are. Google can help! Search images for things like “gay hookup clothes”, or “twink cocksucker outfit”. Crop tops, skinny leg jeans, capris, painted fingernails, lip gloss… all can help give you the classic ‘submissive cocksucker’ appearance that will do 75% of your work for you. Gel up your hair into spikes, glossy lip color, paint your nails literally any color at all, and flaunt your belly.

After you’ve got your look, you need to head to the club.

Every city has a gay club, and if you’re in some sad backwater without one, head to the next biggest city over, they’ll have one. If you’re really desperate, try a cowboy shit-kicker bar, but beware of deplorable bigots, and only go there if you’re really  into some rough trade. At your gay bar, get a nice drink, something fruity and sweet, like an amaretto sour (extra cherries!) Drink through the tiny wee straw both to make it last longer and to emphasize your lips and sucking action. Relax, take a few deep breaths, drop your shoulders, and just have fun. Flirt, dance, and don’t even worry about trying to hook up. The hook up will happen when you’re least expecting it, and the more you chase it the more elusive it becomes.

You may find, dear submissive cocksucker, that you have to hit the club repeatedly before the magic happens. But don’t despair! As you become a regular at the club, your social cachet will rise, and you’ll be more likely to hook up successfully. Plus, you’ll make friends, enjoy some drinks, get better at flirting, and get to dance your ass off! It’s a win/win. You join a community, get the social benefits, and wind up sucking your new alpha male boyfriend’s dick in the back bathroom.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download