I almost posted this yesterday, but I realized it was April Fool’s day just in time. And this is No Joke.
It may be a little bit funny, but it’s no laughing matter. 😉 I’m talking about your sexy phone sex horoscope.
- Aries (March 21 – April 19): For you, Aries, you’re feeling a need to try to bend the world to your needs. Well, stop that, silly sissy. If you can’t learn to bend over and take that cock gracefully, with poise and compassion, you’re never going to be the proud slut you want to be!
- Taurus (April 20 – May 20): For the Bull, Taurus, it’s your time to stop trying so fucking hard to stick out in the world. Admit it, you’ve got a tiny cock, and you need to be humiliated. Small Penis Humiliation should be your new hobby!
- Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Gemini, you naughty slut! I know you want to suck all the cocks, fuck all the hos and party all night long, every night, but, really. A little moderation you fuck slut cum guzzling whore! Leave some for everyone else!
Cancer, Leo and Virgo’s horoscopes are looking good!
- Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Cancer, I know you have an ego to end all egos. But for you, darling, it’s well deserved (this week). Try to back off on the bragging, because if you don’t, you will wind up with a cock shoved down your throat just to shut you up!
- Leo (July 23 – August 22): Leo, I know, you know, we all know about your need to stand in the spotlight and shine. Take a little time to get to know your own dark spots this week. What is your deepest, darkest, most alluring fantasy? Got it in mind? Now call me and tell me all about it!
- Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Virgo, you’ve got secret admirers watching you! Check it out, girlfriend! You go, girl. Work that ass for all it’s worth (and it’s worth quite a lot right now. I’m sure I could get a pretty penny for you down on the street…)
And now for Libra, Scorpio and Sagittarius! (Guess which one’s mine.)
- Libra (September 23 – October 22): Oh, Libra! Get your ass down off that fence and come experience life!!! This is the time! Yes! Come live your life, just as you’ve imagined it; we know you’ve got a great imagination, so get in there. Stop dreaming of sucking cock, and get on your knees!
- Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Scorpio. Scorpio, Scorpio, Scorpio. I know you want to plot out elaborate revenge scenarios. I know! But. Don’t. Just get frosty, bro, and stay frosty. Chill. Breathe. It’s the only way you’re going to last through this epic(!) tease and denial session. Just breathe…
- Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Your libido, Sagittarius, is off the hook right now. Calm down and take a look at Gemini’s advice up there. Seriously. You don’t need to run amock fucking anything that hold still long enough! You can limit yourself to only fucking the willing ones!
Capricorn (the goat-fish, honest!), Aquarius (which is an air sign despite the urn of water in the symbol) and Pisces (fish).
- Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Capricorn! Go crazy with the interior design scheme you’ve been thinking about! Change your living space to reflect your true inner fabulousness. Sissies need lovely living areas that resonate with their true selves. Do it!
- Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Aquarius, if you’ve been feeling the need to experiment with something new, this is SO the right time for it! A little tease and denial, some panty wearing, a touch of CBT mixed with some public humiliation… All at once, in a big messy pile of awesome cum. mmm.
- Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Oh. Pisces. It’ll be ok. Just let it out. This is a great time to experience new emotional states. New planes of being. New levels of ecstasy. Put your hand in your pants and get busy! This is so the best week ever for you to wank! Just fap, darling. fap.
Wow Virgo, I never expected that, maybe I’ve missed my calling, Ms.Harper?
W, I can guarantee that with a little help you’d definitely have a whole new ‘calling’. 😉
well I am a gemini. being a slut just means I’m very diverse and I LOVE all sorts of men AND Women for that matter. LOL Love, Simone
There are definite times in everyone’s life when being a slut is a good, good thing! Embracing the divine sex drive, the urge to connect deeply and intimately with another, leads to the most amazing and blissful moments of our lives.
So, go on with your slutty self! lol! Go forth and grab life by the genitals.
😀
here i sit, a broken-hearted sage. why’d i ever let that gemini pole dancer get away?
poor coffeeboy! Once you’ve got a Gemini, or a pole dancer for that matter, you never let go!
😉
There’s truth to that, Ms. Harper. Of course, my (then) wife & her Greek fiance were complications, lol. Timing is everything. Just like i was quite obviously in B, Tx at the wrong time….by quite a few years!
You just barely missed me! 😉 lol!
But it’s ok, because I am available to talk to now. When I was in college, I wasn’t ~quite~ as much fun as I am now.
xoxo
i was there for just one weekend, dragging my lacrosse team from NM for a tournament. & i suspect, W/we will talk…soon, Ms. Harper!
awesome! I’m looking forward to it. 😉
Ms. Alex was kind enough to give me a few minutes free chat time to overcome fundamental tentativeness last week. so i figure i owe Her first “whack” at me, after She’s back from sun & fun 😮
Well, after she’s one whacking you into shape, you can come to me for some sweetness.
(damn, I came ~this close~ to saying that with a straight face!)
😛
Have with her, she’s awesome!!!
ah….sweetness…like a Venus Fly Trap, lol. in a little over a week now, i’ve traded messages with You, Ms. Alex, & Ms. Constance. i’ve done plenty of reading…and listening. i’m beginning to get the idea that “awesome” is the standard here!
You’ve stumbled into a nest full of amazing, powerful, creative female dominatrixes. You lucky thing you!
And, yeah. We try (as a group) to keep to a very high standard. Awesome is where it starts, and it gets better as you go along. 😉
it really is like an oasis after stumbling through a wasteland. i couldn’t feel more fortunate!
🙂
Well, feel free to rest a while under my coconut tree, and eventually the sissy maid will bring you a nice glass of iced tea.
😉
that’s very kind of You, Ms. Harper. i’m sure there’s some hidden price for resting under Your tree, that i’ll be confronted with when You think the time is ripe
now see, I’m a very ethical Circe… I only extract the price you want to pay, in the way you want to pay it.
The trick is, I make you tell me what you want, and how you want it, and every little tiny detail about how you thought you may like it, while looking me in the eyes and saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ (the looking me in the eyes part is the hardest bit) The devil is in the details, and so is my extreme pleasure.
So. Coffeeboy. What price would you most like to pay? And how?
🙂
Looking into “those” eyes is the hard part? i would have thought it was tearing my gaze away. perhaps that’s just me, ruminating at a safe (?) distance.
i would think the price i’d be willing to pay would shoot up (metaphorically, of course) astronomically, if O/our gazes locked going from somewhere like a necessary willing temporarily suspend self-control to an abject abdication of will power, in a nanosecond, lol
You give me your loss of control, your ability to direct yourself, and utter dominion over your cock, and in return, I’ll give you endless hours of happy torment and agonizing pleasure.
Sounds fair?
“endless hours of happy torment & agonizing pleasure” and all You ask is utter dominion over my cock? i may be no Daniel Webster, but that sounds like the deal of the century, since “someone” needs to take charge of that thingy.
Perfect! lol
Interesting! that was my precise word, when i saw the picture accompanying Your latest blog entry 😉
only interesting?
…do you like how I space out the pictures? you have to go hunt for them. lol!
that we used the same word (Perfect) in different contexts is only interesting. the picture itself is spellbinding, evocative, unparalleled, entrancing (of course), flawless, and a thesaurus of comparable words.
as for the spacing of Your pictures, the whole desert/oasis thing pops into my head!
you sir are a genius i have been searching all over for this kinda sexy shit so thanks mr webmaster
Happy New Year 2017!
Hwooooorrrayyy!!! 🙂
wohohoh