Bow Before Me
Every now and then, I get to introduce new folks in kink to the idea of consent.
Pretty much everyone knows that to consent to something is to agree to it; you consent to having a stranger in your house when you pay for pest control, you consent to observing violence when you go see a Michael Bay movie, and you consent to sucking cock when you get on your knees and beg for it like a bitch. All that is consent in different degrees.
What a lot of people don’t realize is that consent comes in flavors and degrees.
Yes, degrees of consent. Consent can range from enthusiastic affirmative consent (“yes, please, I need it, please give it to me!”) to implied passive consent (being in the same room and therefore exposed to images of something). In BDSM, kink and fetish sex, implied passive consent isn’t good enough, and can get you in hot water with your community, both kinky and the larger community.
Enthusiastic affirmative consent is:
- A vital part of negotiating a kink or fetish scene!
- Very specific, unless non-specificity has been previously negotiated.
- What will keep your reputation intact and your ass out of legal trouble.
Implied passive consent is:
- Assuming your partner is or would be ok with any activity without talking about it first.
- A horrible habit of communication that should be avoided even outside the kinky world.
- The prelude to a rough night (possibly in a jail cell.)
How do I get enthusiastically affirmative consent?
Simple. I ask for it. This is where my mantra of “no shame” comes in very handy. If you can’t bring yourself to talk about or ask about the things you’re interested in, you have no business trying to do them. I demand that my partners, both on the phone and face to face, talk to me about what turns them on, what they want, and what they don’t want. I love having people tell me what makes them hot, and I adore being asked for it. I want to hear that enthusiastic consent, the emotion and need laid bare for me… mmm. Yes.
You, too, can get enthusiastic consent!
Just ask! No shame, darlings. Sack up, work the iron pussy muscles of doom, get brave, and ask.
Speaking of… How do you feel about sucking a nice big dick for me, while my girlfriends watch? I’m thinking at a party, you in panties, big stud cock right in front of you, and you, begging for it.
Now, if you’re interested, I’m going to need to hear you say so. In detail…
Hi Harper,
This is a very interesting topic for me.
I sometimes have dark fantasies that I would never ever ever want to really happen to anyone, not even me, in real life.
A lot of things in fantasy when writing the fantasy out, I can assume the reader knows that it isn’t something that should happen. For example, a very hot audio that sometimes plays on Cock Radio is a Mistress locking her subbie into a very slutty sissy outfit in vegas and leaving him/her with no money to get home, the sissy has to find his/her way home dressed as a slut in a uniform he/she can’t get out of. All of listening to that immediately know it is fantasy and not something that actually would happen with the Mistress in the audio.
One of my fantasies, since I still have a mental block about anal, is for a Mistress to more or less f**** it upon me. I want to explore it but it is very hard for me to willingly explore it, but if in the fantasy I’m in a situation where I don’t have a choice, then I can explore it and find ways to cope by looking for the pleasure to overcome the humiliation and mental blocks, because in the fantasy it is not really my choice. Even though it is my choice to have the fantasy.
That’s different than the vegas scenario, I could not write a fantasy that deals with the latter and share it, and a Mistress can not record an audio of that scenario and share it, for very obvious reasons. There has to be explicit indication that the submissive has a way out that the Mistress would respect, even though it is just an erotica and not even a role play.
Finding ways to get that consent into the eroticas that deal with dark fantasies can be challenge, but it is a very important challenge because people need to know that certain things do not ever happen without explicit consent even if you know the other has had dark fantasies about it.
Anyway thank you for this blog and for the wisdom I sometimes hear from audios of you on cock radio. I don’t show appreciation for them enough, but when I hear them I really do enjoy them. And you teases on cockradio too 😀